You need more than love

Some people live with the idea it is easier to ask forgiveness than permission. Their spontaneous choices bringĀ critter control near me chaos not only into their own environment but also for many others who care about them.

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So often I see unhappy situations involving the worldview that because you love someone you will need to do whatever you can to make that individual’s life easier – even if they are not willing to make good choices. The result is that you pay a price and the other person never has opportunity to learn because there simply are no consequences for them.

A friend of mine who held a management position with the Alberta Justice system frequently could share nuggets of wisdom. I remember the day he said “When you are working harder than your client, you’re working too hard”. This also applies to the times which we work harder on the issues of family or friends than the man who is directly involved.

Have you been involved in:

Allowing another individual to physically or verbally abuse you repeatedly?

Experiencing neglect once the person does not follow through on their promises?

Responding to manipulation or needs from somebody who thinks you’re the “unpaid help”?

Believing declarations that things will get better and the problem will not occur again (for the umpteenth time)?

Trusting that the other person will start thinking and acting appropriately even when they’ve never done this consistently?

Cleaning up cluttered situations for someone else over and over again?

Ignoring your long-term needs and desires in sacrifice for someone’s short-term crisis?

Losing sleep and feeling obsessed about things that you cannot change?

Well, love isn’t enough! We can not change other individuals. They change when life doesn’t work for them anymore. Maybe your actions done in the spirit of love are actually preventing them from facing the scenarios that will lead them to maturity. You can love them but you will need to understand clearly where you stop and they start.

If you can identify with any of those things on the above list, you want to think about other choices. You can find out how to establish healthy boundaries that won’t only help you, but also help the other person to develop!

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